Just for laughs

So I'm on full blast paper mode right now, with not much time to update.  I have 2 papers due Wednesday that I hope to finish tonight or tomorrow and edit them before submitting on Wednesday.  So after I finish them, I will give a full update of how things are going. 

In the mean time, This is a picture of my sweet, sweet Walle.  He was neutered on Thursday and would not stop licking his sutures.  He unfortunately has pulled a stitch out and had to return to the vet today.  Now he gets antibiotics twice a day and gets to wear a cone until Friday.  I told him to stop licking, but he wouldn't listen!  So now I get to be amused by watching him run into things!

Meet Me On Monday

So I'm trying something new here.  It's called Meet Me On Monday from Never Growing Old's blog.  I thought it would be interesting for some of you to learn a little bit about me and me to learn a little about my readers!



Questions:

1.  What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
I always wear my Celtic cross necklace.  I never take it off, even in the shower.  It has a lot of different meanings to me.  I wear it because it helps me to feel protected by both my Irish ancestors and by God, and it gives me strength to call of those who watch over me from above when I need them.  I also wear it because I was wearing this necklace the day I went to pick up my boxer, Angel, and we hit black ice on the interstate (going 75 mph) and went off the road.  The couple that I almost hit told me it looked like my jeep was going to flip three times, and it should have flipped those 3 times...but it didn't.  When my jeep finally came to a stop, I was one inch away from slamming into a huge pile of large sandstone boulders.  There was someone with me that day who took the wheel and kept me safe, which I attribute to asking God for help literally right before this all happened.  Subsequently that is how Angel obtained her name, because I must have had an Angel with me!
I also wear my wedding rings 24/7.  Most of my friends take it off to sleep, but not me!  Well I will say that I do take it off to put lotion on and to shower because I tend to get my shampoo and body wash gunking the spaces near my diamonds! 

2.  Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Both actually.  I usually cut the noodles in half and the twirl it.  I hate getting food on my face, so I try to be as clean as possible!
3.  How many siblings do you have?
I have 2 biological siblings, an older brother and older sister.  I then have 2 in-laws (a brother-in-law and a sister-in-law that are both older than me), and 2 step siblings.  The step brothers were adults before my mom married their dad, so we usually  just refer to them as Dale's boys.  One of which actually passed away a year ago last month. 
4.  Were you named after anyone?
Nope, I'm an all original!
5.  Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi 150%.  I won't touch coke at all.  I will only drink sprite out of the coke products!  I also have to have the regular soda, no diet or zero for me....give me my sugar and my calories please!

Friday Blog Hop

One Year Anniversary

Okay so March 2nd was the one year anniversary of my cousin's murder.  We had an interview with a news station on the afternoon of March 2nd.  It went really well.  They interviewed us for about 30 minutes and then followed us to the cemetery and filmed us visiting Crystal's grave and saying a group prayer for her.  They even caught her 2 year old taking apart the flowers we brought and planting them in the dirt on top of her.  I think it's weird that a year later she still has no grass, just dirt.  The dirt looks fresh, like we just buried her.  They attempted to get a comment from the police department, but of course the had no comment.  That night we had a candlelight vigil at the crime scene.  The police chief and his detective asked if they could attend, so we said okay.  We have nothing to hide and want them to realize that.  The chief got out of the car and joined us, but the detective stayed in the car (we later found out she was running license plates and doing background checks on all the people in attendance).  The chief had a lot of excuses for why things have happened the way that they did, but I don't care to hear them.  They just need to get off their ass and find the person who took her away from us.  They need to stop treating our family like we are the suspects and start doing their job to get a murderer off the streets.  Our family lives in fear and these young boys are going to grow up without their mommy because of someone's decision that night...and the police are not making much effort to find that person.  

Okay off my soapbox now.  The vigil had a great turnout, I'd say between 30-40 people came.  We said a group prayer, attempted to sing "Amazing Grace" but nobody knew the words, and a couple of us said some things about Crystal.  I made sure to tell everyone something that had hit me earlier in the day.  I said that many people pass away in this world and never get the chance to tell people they love them and their loved ones live their lives wondering what they truly meant to them.  In our case, everyone there knew how much Crystal loved us.  She told us everyday how much we meant to her.  I think we can all rest easier knowing that she knew that we all loved her just as much.  If nothing else, that thought should always help us deal with the pain a little better.

We did that interview and it aired twice that night and is now posted on the website.  I was going to post it on here, but given that it has all of our full names (the 3 of us that participated), I am not going to post it.  If anyone wants to see the video, let me know and I can privately give you the link to watch it.  So then we had another interview on March 8th with another news station.  This interview was amazing because we already had the experience from the first one and weren't so nervous.  The reporter talked to us more about what was going through our heads when we received the news, as well as what the last year has been like for us.  It was more like a dialogue with her instead of a question/answer type of situation.  After she talked with us, she filmed us just hanging out talking with Crystal's 2 year old.  He wanted to show her a picture of his mommy, so I grabbed one for him and faced it toward the camera.  I asked him who was in the picture and she got him on camera saying "That's my mommy"!  Melts your heart right there because he doesn't understand why his mommy is never going to come back.  I asked him where his mommy was, and for the first time in the last  year he said "my mommy is gone".  What do you say to a little boy who is starting to realize his mommy isn't around...and will never be able to be around anymore?  He went from having his mommy always there, and his brother always there, to living with his grandma and not having either one there anymore.  I can't imagine what runs through his head at 2 years old.  The reporter also caught him on tape saying his mommy is in his heart.  It seriously broke my heart to watch the video when it was finally posted.

So now we sit and wait...hoping these two news stories will bring attention to the case again and get someone to come forward and give any information they have. 

Long overdue post

As promised, I'm finally getting a chance to update my blog.  I think I'm going to do a separate post about everything that's gone on with the one year anniversary of my cousin's murder...only cause a LOT has gone on.  But in addition to that going on...everything else was happening at the same time.  I'll try my best to remember what's gone on because I am drawing a blank...so bear with me!

Last Monday (the 7th) I had an "Academic Planning Meeting" with my Field Liaison, the Director of the MSW program, and the Director of Practicum.  Essentially my liaison is concerned about me not being able to pass my practicum due to problems that have been occurring over the course of the year.  I was initially at the middle school, but after about a month and a half I was transferred to the high school due to a lot of issues with my field instructor (supervisor).  Since going to the high school I feel like it's been one issue after another.  I got really low ratings on my evaluation at the end of first semester, and in my opinion they were largely in part to my supervisor not providing supervision like we were supposed to have each week.  Plus my supervisor continues to believe that I am a clinical level student, but I'm a foundation level student.  The difference between the two is that the foundation year is the first year of the 2 year program.  Everyone takes identical classes and it's kind of like taking general education classes...except they are specific social work classes.  The second year of the program is where you decide between the clinical track or the administration track, and your classes and practicum is based on which track you take.  So the clinical track is the track that I plan to take next year.  My supervisor expects me to be at the level of a clinical student, despite that I'm still in my foundation year.  This has caused a lot of problems in terms of expectations and experience because I'm just not at the place my supervisor thinks I need to be.  Needless to say this meeting was a brainstorming session to come up with ways to make sure I pass.  The outcome ended up being (in my opinion) telling me to just do what I have to do in order to pass.  We've established that I have no desire to be a school social worker, so I think that's the biggest problem that my supervisor has with me...that I don't have a passion to be a school social worker.  My passion is working with the military population and people with PTSD and mental health disorders.  Hell I even loved my  job working in foster care...but I despise being in the school setting.  I disagree with the policies, I don't feel it's a helpful environment, and I just plain don't like it.  Maybe it's the district, maybe it's me....who knows, it's just not my cup of tea.

So all of this going on has caused me to question a lot of things about myself.  I wondered if I was truly cut out to be a social worker, if I made a mistake by going to grad school, if I should have gone through the part-time program instead of full-time, if I'm a failure, etc.  You know the drill, someone makes you question a part of your life and you start questioning everything.  After a night with lots of tears and thinking I decided that I was not going to accept failure as an option.  I changed my facebook status to reflect that as well.  This was my actual facebook status: "has decided I will do what I have to do in order to get through the next 6 weeks of practicum and pass. I am not a failure and will not accept failure under any circumstances...regardless of how others make me feel."  I received lots of encouraging words from several of my friends and just realized it's 6 more weeks in this place and then I will be gone and off to better things.  I used to think about everything in my life in terms of months and weeks, not days...so I'm going back to that practice.  Granted I used to do it because I was a foster care social worker and we always had to think a couple weeks (sometimes months) ahead for court hearings and case plans.  I've gotten away from those practices and realized that I now think about things in terms of how many days left in this week.  I'm done thinking short-term and I'm thinking long-term for now on!


With that being said, I got both of my papers back that were due March 2nd.  I got b's on both of them.  Not what I was hoping for, but given that I forgot one was a research paper and the other one we didn't get information on until one week before...I'll take the B.  I have one more paper due in each class on March 30th, so I intend on starting those this upcoming weekend and spending the following week working on them.  I then hope to get help from the KU writing center with proofing and making sure everything ties in together and flows.  If anyone is good at that kind of stuff, and willing to help out by reading one or both of them...I'd love the help!  I have one more week of classes and practicum and then it's spring break.  I am hopefully getting my two male dogs neutered, new tires bought and put on, possibly new breaks, doing some deep cleaning of my house and garage, getting caught up on my class readings, and then of course writing my papers.  We'll see how that all goes.

Friday Blog Hop

Okay I promise, promise, promise to update tomorrow.  It's been a long 2 weeks!

Friday Blog Hop

Blog Hop Friday!  I'll post another blog about how yesterday went for those who are interested!

Sorry about the hiatus... (originally posted on 3/1/11, but the internet crapped out)

So I promised an update last week, but there just wasn't enough time.  It's been almost 2 weeks without an update and I feel like I've been missing something.  So just a recap on what's been going on.  As some of you know I have been planning this big event for the 1 year anniversary of my cousin's death....which is tomorrow (actually in 15 minutes to be exact).  I posted a copy of an email that I sent to news stations a while back...thinking I'd never hear back from them.  I woke up and checked my phone like usual (I realistically can't go more than 2 hours without checking my phone...and that's stretching it).  Much to my surprise there was an email from a news reporter asking to interview me about what kind of answers the family is trying to get, as well as what it's been like throughout the course of the last year.  She also hopes to help us get some answers from the police department.  I immediately got in contact with the family (okay not immediately....more like my mom text me and said to call her and I did) and we agreed to do the interview.  My aunt is still really emotional about the whole situation and continues to struggle with the loss of her only daughter.  She has a son as well, but he is not able to be with the family right now.  I'm not going to explain what the situation is there other than it's not by choice and he'd give anything to be with us.  So my aunt tells me that she won't be able to handle an on camera interview without breaking down...and asks me to do it.  All I think was "CRAP".  I was partly expecting it because I've always taken the role of "spokesperson" for the family, but the sheer idea of being on camera.....on the news....terrifies me.  Nonetheless I said okay I'll do it.  In the meantime I convinced Crystal's best friend to join me, as well as one of my other aunts.  Now we are three women terrified to be on the camera, but at least we will do it together!  So I emailed the reporter back letting her know we are more than willing to meet with her and to find out when she wants to do the interview.  Now it's the waiting game.

So in addition to this, I get an email from another reporter while I'm eating dinner.  She would like to meet tomorrow and do an interview with a family member.  This one will not be on video, but she is planning on bringing a reporter with her.  I'm still nervous for the interview, but like I said I will have two companions with me.  After the interview, the reporter and photographer are going to follow us to the cemetery so we can visit Crystal and say a prayer for her.  Oh and did I mention that on top of all this...we have a candlelight vigil planned for tomorrow evening?  We received permission from the owners and managers of the apartment complex where her murder took place (in the parking lot) to do a candlelight vigil there tomorrow evening.  I think we should have between 20-30 people in attendance, which will be great.  It's our family's way of letting everyone know we ware still here demanding answers and justice for her death.  Nobody deserves to die at the age of 25, especially at the hand of another person.  That person took away a mother to three young boys, a daughter, a sister, a beloved cousin (who btw we often got asked if we were sisters), a niece, a grand-daughter, an auntie, a best friend, etc.  He/She took her away from us and we will never be able to get that back.  I know I shouldn't say this because I'm a social worker and all, but I firmly believe in an eye for an eye.  You murder someone, you deserve to die yourself.  No forgiveness or getting to spend your days living off tax payers on death row...you deserve to die.  I'm not saying kill the person the same way they killed their victim...but humanely.  Seriously...can we go back to the days of the firing squad?  Okay I'm really just kidding on that last comment, but I do think it would save our tax payers and judicial system a lot of money if we didn't let death row inmates sit there for 20 years and die of natural causes.  Maybe I should be a politician instead of a social worker....

 

MOVING ON now...I have been working nonstop on two papers that are both due tomorrow.  The first paper was for my HBSE class and was applying two theories to an experience that I had.  I used my brother as a guinea pig...because he actually said yes.  It's not very often that he lets me use him as an example for things...so I took full advantage.  I interviewed him all professionally and stuff.  Okay granted it's hard to interview family and be "professional" about it, but I tried!  I think I did alright on it, but we'll see when I get it back next week!  No joke, I was up till about 3 am on Thursday night, 4am Friday and Saturday night, plus I worked on it all day long....just to finish it.  I submitted it Sunday night around 9pm, despite it not being due till tomorrow at midnight.  Granted I could have kept it longer and tried to improve it...but I also have a research paper due tomorrow at 9pm for my Practice 2 class.  This paper was about diversity and had to have a minimum of 6 sources and one interview.  I wrote my paper on African American Lesbians because it's an area I'm not all that familiar with, but I'm interested in the group.  I worked from 3:30 pm Monday doing my interview and finishing up the reading on my sources until 3 am last night to get it done.  I only finished 1.25 pages of the paper by the time I went to sleep at 3am.  I woke up and started all over again, and am proud to say after working nonstop all day long I finished it and submitted it to my teacher around 9pm tonight!  I'm sooooooo thankful to have both of those submitted and off my shoulders.  Now I can focus on tomorrow and then worry about my other homework starting Thursday. 

 

Okay I'm sure I bored you all long enough so I'll go do something productive...like maybe go to bed.  It is 12:15 afterall!  Oh btw, I have 30 followers now...how awesome is that!  To those that I haven't commented back to yet, I promise you will get one from me before I go to bed tonight!