I can't believe it's been soo long!

I'm shocked to log on and finally realize how long it's been since my last post.  I suck a blogging this summer...and I really don't have much of an excuse.  I'm sitting around 75% of the time doing nothing but watching tv, so it's not like I don't have the time to update.  Somehow I make more time to update when I'm super busy and stressed out...maybe it's my stress reliever.  Who knows!  So I'll try to go back and talk about what's gone on since my last update.  I'm sure I'll break it up into a couple posts because there are some pretty big things that have gone on. 

The big deal of this summer is my class that I'm taking.  It's called "Mental Health and Psychopathology."  Don't let the name fool you though, AMAZING class.  The class meets for 3 weekends (or 6 days depending on how you want to look at it) and goes from 9am-4pm each day.  I've got the first two weekends done and have the final weekend this coming weekend.  The class is primarily learning about the main types of mental health diagnoses that exist in the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) aka the HUGE book with every mental health diagnosis that exists and can be diagnosed in a client.  We spent the first day learning only about Trauma and trauma related diagnoses.  This was amazing for me since I want to work with the military population when I finish grad school.  I've learned a lot about how truly crazy my family is, simply by learning that many of them could be/should be diagnosed with some of the things we've talked about.  My final paper that I actually  just finished about an hour ago involved me interviewing someone and essentially completing a mental health assessment on them.  It was really interesting to learn everything about this individual because I learned things I never would have expected. 

Umm what else...we celebrated the twins' 1st birthday in June.  I made cute little pink and purple sugar cookies (from scratch) in the shapes of K, S and the #1 sign.  The girls loved them and just kept reaching for more.  They are some good eaters!  I kept bringing them outside so all the kids playing in the pool could have a snack while waiting on dinner, but they were gone in no time!  Guess they were a hit!  I'll have to post pictures in another post...only cause I don't want to take the time to search for them on my computer.  I've also been doing a lot of baking this summer.  I've made lots of cakes, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, etc.  It's been giving me more practice since I enjoy doing baking...but Kyle is sooooo sick of smelling powdered sugar and baked goods in the house.  I made him the deal that I won't bake for a while. 

We also celebrated Kyle's 26th birthday on June 21st.  I took him to a Japanese steakhouse for dinner and secretly made him a 3 tiered birthday cake while he was sleeping.  He was pleasantly surprised for everything.  We truly didn't have the money to go out for dinner, but we have made the decision that we need to at least do something nice for each of our birthdays....even if that means adding a higher balance to the credit card.  We also had our 2nd wedding anniversary (we've been married for 3.5 years but waited a year and a half to do the actual wedding) on June 27th.  We didn't do anything for it other than make dinner together.  We made chicken manicotti at home and watched tv together.  We are such the "old couple" now!  ha ha.

We finally got our second opinion with the neurologist at the VA.  She wasn't able to review his EEGs because the EEG tech was on vacation that week, but she reviewed the rest of his chart and said she was 96% positive he does not have a seizure disorder.  She basically told us she thinks the other neurologist is a quack and he is not worth listening to.  ha ha at least we aren't the only ones!  She was finally able to access his EEGs on July 11th and called to update us with her findings.  She said his EEG shows higher than normal slowing of the brain when he sleeps, but this is most likely from his TBI and the injuries from that.  She said with 100% certainty that his results are no where near a seizure disorder and that the other neurologist is a moron.  She told him that he no longer needs to see her or the other neurologist unless he starts having more neurological issues.  I suppose this is good news! 

I actually went to one day of Country  Stampede this year.  I got a free ticket to go on Sunday and got to see Rory and Joey and Collin Raye sing.  I was going to watch Sawyer Brown as well, but the heat got the best of me and I started to show early signs of a potential heat stroke, so we booked out of there real quick.  I saw nothing but hoochie looking girls running around in skimpy bikinis.  I wasn't impressed, so I don't think I'll be going back again.  There was zero shade, bottles of water were like $5 each, wayyyy too many people, and just not my style.  Oh well though, I can at least say I've been once!

Ummm 4th of July weekend was horrible.  People in our neighborhood were lighting off fireworks until 2-3 am.  Between Kyle and our rottweiler, I wasn't sure who I wanted to hurt more.  They both jumped with EVERY SINGLE noise and were on edge for the entire week.  Our rottweiler is just now able to go outside without freaking out.  I hate that 4th of July/Independence Day should be a day to celebrate the things he has done for his country, but it ends of being a nightmare due to his PTSD.  I actually got him to stand in our backyard for about 10 minutes to watch the fireworks that the state trooper was lighting off.  Our block is one of those big squares that has everyone's backyards meet up in the middle...no alley way.  The state trooper lives on the opposite side of the square from us.  He lit them off in front of his house and gave me a great view!  At least I got to see some of them. 

Aside from that I am planning a baby shower for my cousin Sara and planning the 2nd Annual event for Crystal's birthday.  This year we are doing a BBQ and her oldest son, Jaydan, will actually get to be here for it.  It will be wonderful for him to be able to go visit her grave.  I think it will be one of the first few times he's been back since the funeral in March 2010.  I'm super excited to see him too.  I haven't seen him in over a year!  Miss that little punk!

I should also mention we are STILL waiting on the VA to determine Kyle's disability rating.  It's frustrating because nobody can or will tell us where he is at in the process.  We finished all of his comp & pen evaluations the first week of March....and still no word.  He is also having zero luck finding a job.  We are officially going to have the second of three credit cards maxed out by the end of the summer.  Fabulous!

This turned out to be one super long post, which was not my intentions at all...but I'm too lazy to go break it up in to two posts!  I'll do a separate post about the best night of my life...but that will wait until tomorrow!

Toodles!

Love my dysfunctional family!

Seriously...this is what I originally planned to post about...but I got off topic earlier!  So tomorrow (well officially today now that it's 12:10 a.m.) is my momma's 47th birthday!  Happy Birthday Momma!  We had a big BBQ/birthday party today for Memorial Day and Momma's birthday.  I made two cakes since I knew there would be a lot of people there.  I'm super glad that I did because it was all gone in no time.  I'm just sad that I didn't get a picture of the inside of the checkerboard cake.  Here are the pictures of the two cakes.  They are a combination of a devil's food cake and a white cake. 

Side View of the Checkerboard Cake

Top view of the checkerboard cake.

Daisy cake

I spent 3.5 hours working on these cakes for them to be devoured in like 10 minutes!  Oh well, I enjoy baking and it's relaxing for me.  I'm deemed the baker of the family because I'm always baking something for our family gatherings.  Ironically I rarely eat the things I bake, not that they taste bad at all, I'm just not a huge sweets person.  Mom loved the cakes, and so did everyone else.  It's nice to get recognition for something!  This was also the first time in over a year that all of my nieces and my  nephew were together for a family event.  My brother's children moved about 3 hours away with their mom, so we have only gotten to see them maybe twice in the last year.  So here are some pictures of the day!

The Birthday Girl in her "party animal" hat.

We like to smash cake in her face at birthday parties...by we, I mean my Aunt Mary.  This is my aunt Missy and Grandma laughing as my Aunt Mary shoves cake in Momma's face!

The twins...my nieces Kaylyn and Simone!  They will be a year old in June!

Jacque...pretty much is my sister from another mister!

Me with little Satan (you can read about her in previous posts)...she was extra good today!

 What happens when a 5 year old says "let's play photo shoot"!  This is her "peace" sign...

 My oldest niece Haley with Simone!

 Me riding the horsey with Rodney.  He is my cousin Crystal's youngest son (see previous posts about her).

 Rodney again because he is too cute!  He looks so much like his momma it's crazy!  He's got her personality also...which is quite scary!

 My nephew Eric (my brother's son)...ignoring me...

 Payton, my brother's daughter.  She was my shopping buddy before they moved.  Now she has my love for shoes!

Those are just a few pictures from our fun filled family day!  Lots of good times were had by all!

Body image...

I just have to say that it's 81 degrees outside right this very minute..at 11:36 pm.  I've said it before and I'll say it again...I LOVE this kind of weather.  Granted I need to lose 30-35 lbs still so I can fully enjoy this weather...but I'll still take 80, 90, 100 degrees anyday!  Back when I was skinny (like 3 years ago) I wore capris, jean skirts (at least 3 days a week), skirts in general, shorts, halter tops, tube tops, etc.  Now I have 3-4 pair of jeans, 4 pair of exercise pants and pj bottoms.  I don't own and shorts, skirts, capris...at all.  I refuse to buy them because as my doctor says my "weight is gradually increasing" despite all my efforts to lose weight.  It's very frustrating to have stomach issues that prevent you from eating a lot of things, as well as being an extremely picky eater...because it limits what I can eat to lose weight.

Last year I lost 20 lbs with the help of an 1100 calorie/day diet (doctor ordered) and the help of a weight loss pill called something like pfenagrin (I have no clue how to spell it).  The pill is supposed to be only for obese individuals, but my stomach problems prevent me from being able to take all the other pills they used...so I was approved for the pill.  I was only able to maintain the 1100 calories a day for a month before I caved and started binge eating.  One of my other issues is that I can eat and then an hour later I feel like I haven't eaten all day.  This is partly because my body can't process a lot of the food and I end up in the bathroom several times.  Not exactly fun.  I must say that I have gained roughly 35 pounds in 3 years, all since I had my gallbladder removed because of the complications it caused.  Every single one of those 35 pounds has been gained in my stomach...not even exaggerating.  I look like I have one of those little floaties for babies...except it's around my waist.  Even when I lost that 20 lbs, nothing looked smaller...and my stomach was only like 1 inch smaller than it was before.  I get asked on a regular basis if I'm pregnant, because truthfully that's the only place I'm fat.  My niece used to grab my belly and ask me what I'm going to name my baby and when my baby was going to come out.  Not fun to have a 4 year old say something like that.  She stopped because I was almost in tears one day and told her that she really hurt my feelings everytime she said that.  So my mom helped her to not say things like that to me anymore.  My family still makes fat jokes about me all the time, despite me telling them how much it hurts my feelings.  I deal with it and pretend it doesn't hurt, but then I come home and cry because I'm so tired of the fat jokes.  I look in the mirror and can't find anything that I like about myself.  So I look at pictures of me when I graduated from college in 2007 and remember a time when people thought I was attractive instead of pregnant. 

I've vowed to make changes and to lose this weight, but I have a feeling it's not going to come off.  I've done the nothing but water to drink, the calorie counting, the exercising 3-5 days a week.  Everytime I do that, I gain 2-3 more pounds.  My husband stopped drinking soda and lost 2 pounds in 2 days.  I stop drinking soda and gain 2 pounds in a day.  I drink about 4-8 bottles of water per day, in addition to maybe 1 or 2 pepsi's, and maybe some juice or milk with breakfast.  I don't eat much candy or much junk food.  I portion control everything and don't go back for seconds.  I sleep about 7-10 hours a day right now...even though it often takes me hours to fall asleep.  I've gained 2 inches on my waist in 2.5 weeks.  I haven't changed anything, I've been eating super healthy and haven't been snacking because frankly we haven't had the money to buy any snacks.  I'm starting to wonder if there is something more seriously wrong with me (health wise) that none of the doctors have found.  What if everything is just storing in a random location in my abdomen and I'm just going to burst like a bubble one day???  Just a thought.

So now that I completely changed topics of what I was going to talk about, I'm going to have to do a separate blog! 

Blog Hop

Hip Hip Horray!

Not much to post about today.  I truly lead a boring, dull life when I'm not working or taking classes.  We found out the VA accepted our request for a second opinion.  So we go see the other neurologist at the end of June.  While that is a little over a month from now...I'm just excited that we can finally see someone other than Dr. Jerkoff. 

Oh...I also realized I've been fooled lately.  I guess I do have a little bit to talk about.  At the end of March the hubby stopped taking all of his medication, except his allergy pill.  He told me he has not been having nightmares, he's been sleeping better, his anxiety is decreased, etc.  You know, the little lies they like to tell us so we think everything is okay.  Well apparently I've been dooped.  I should have known better because his pillow and pillow case reek of sweat, plus he tosses and turns all night long...more than he used to.  In addition, he has gone back to talking in his sleep again.  We had a rough time the last go-around with the sleep talking...this is the time frame when I woke up to him trying to smother me with his pillow one night.  This is also the same time frame that I used to wake up to him rolling over, eyes wide open, and elbowing me in the center of my back, hitting me in the face (on purpose), and physically using both hands and both feet to shove me out of bed.  His talking and conversations in his sleep were a daily thing.  I went in there one night and he was sitting up in the middle of the bed, staring at the wall.  When I asked him to move over so I could come to bed, he point blank told me "they told me not to" and pointed toward the closet.  He refused to believe me when I said there were no people over there.  I thought he had moved on from this phase...which was great.  I was becoming inpatient with the antics, but I knew it wasn't his fault.  He never remembered anything the next morning...even though he would argue with me all night long that he was awake and would remember everything the next day.  He would ask me to cuddle in the middle of the night and then not remember it the next day.  BTW...my hubby is the least romantic person you'll ever meet.  We don't do the lovey-dovey holidays, we don't celebrate our anniversary, we only do a dinner for birthdays, etc.  So asking to cuddle in the middle of the night is a big deal.

So fast forward to this week.  He told me the other night that his nightmares are getting really bad again.  I knew he was having some because about 3 nights a week I hear him talking or yelling in his sleep...all while he is in bed alone and I'm in my office.  His nights sweats are horrible...his pillow case and pillow are stained from the sweat...and it's a horrible smell to roll over to in the morning.  It's gotten so bad that when I change the sheets and put fresh linen on the bed...he has to get a clean, but stained pillow case that he used before...all because the stain and odor grosses me out.  He wants me to crank the AC down to where it's like 50 degrees in our house because he says the 68 degrees is way too hot for him.  I generally sleep in layers, plus I have an extra blanket in addition to the sheet and comforter.  Then he requires the fan on because he gets too hot without it on...which is partly the reason I get sick so often.  It's a never ending battle, so I just add more layers and let him win (except I won't let the house go lower than 68).  I realize that he's going to have most of these problems for the rest of his life...but I just wish he would be honest about it.  It's been 4 years since he was injured...I go to all of his appointments with him...I document things for him...I run this household...but he won't be honest with me and let me know that he is having the problems again.  It's truly just frustrating.  We go back to psychiatry on the day we see the new neurologist, so maybe she can knock some sense into him.  I swear I love that lady.  She's up front, honest, no BS kind of lady.  She tells him like it is, makes sure I'm understanding everything he is being prescribed, and then making sure he is on board with everything.  The VA needs more doctors like her! 

Okay so now my title doesn't seem too fitting...but I'm not going to change it.  I'm going to go finish my laundry...yes it's 1:30 am...but it's my task before bed.  I cleaned both bathrooms this evening, washed one of my dogs because he was covered in mud, I got a document notarized, we returned the E-Collar that said dog who was all muddy had to wear when he was neutered, and I'm getting all the laundry finished tonight.  I'd say it's a good day's work.  Tomorrow my goal is to watch less lifetime, clip less coupons, and get the two living rooms and kitchen clean.  We'll see how that goes!

Blog Hop

Step Aside Pride

It's been a little bit since I've posted...but I've struggled with how I wanted to put my thoughts into complete sentences.  My last post (aside from the blog hop post) was me venting about our experience with the Army's medical board process (MEB) and the VA.  Well I was directed to Operation Homefront by Cheryl over at "Wife of A Wounded Soldier" (you can click her name for a direct link to her blog).  After doing an application and talking with an individual by phone a couple times, we are getting some help.  Operation Homefront is helping us to pay some of our past due rent and they also sent us some gift cards to get some groceries.  No joke, I was on the verge of tears as I spoke with the guy from OH.  It's an extremely humbling experience to have to ask someone for help and admit that you can't afford to buy groceries or pay rent, etc.  The guy was extremely nice and empathetic about us needing help.  Plus he is a social worker, who completely understood my situation with grad school...and made me feel better because I didn't need to explain why I'm not able to work during grad school.  So we are getting some help in that area...which I can't ever say thank you enough for.  Kyle and I decided that when we finally get stable and are not struggling so much, we are going to donate back to OH just so they can help other wounded warriors and their families. 

Oh and I must also say thank you to my grandma, who took me grocery shopping on Saturday.  She bought me around $100 worth of groceries (she bought some stuff for my mom and also for a family BBQ we are having for memorial day) and was trying to get me to get more things.  I just told her what we had was fine, which I'm glad I did because she used her credit card.  I'm sure she was only using it for the bonus points she gets on her credit card, but I didn't want to put her in a financial bind too...especially since we owe her so much money in rent.  So we are eternally thankful for the people who have helped us this last week!

Oh and I didn't mention in my last post...but we are having a significant problem with the VA.  Kyle's neurologist does not like to give us his test results.  He had an EEG in November/December and did not give us the results until Kyle's case manager sent an email out to the team (goes to everyone that treats Kyle, as well as the administrator) wanting to know why he documented that he called us but never did.  Kyle gets random medications for seizures...extremely high doses of this medication...but nobody explains to us what the medication is for or anything about it.  After he gets this email, the Dr. called, left a voicemail saying "EEG bad.  Take seizure medication."  We go for another neurology appointment and the guy simply tells Kyle to read the computer screen and doesn't tell us anything useful other than "you read".  ***Side note, the Dr. is from somewhere in South America and has HORRIBLE English.  He truly does speak like this.***  So fast forward to March.  We go for another useless appointment with Dr. Jerkoff (he he) and he tells Kyle that his brain waves show seizure activity and he shouldn't drive, blah, blah, blah.  He tells Kyle that he is going to have to stop Voc Rehab because he believes Kyle may have seizures sometime in his lifetime.  We argue with him a bit b/c Kyle is doing a CDL program for voc rehab.  Dr. Jerkoff says "ok, we do another EEG and MRI".  So beginning of April we do another EEG and a MRI.  We hear nothing back from Dr. Jerkoff.  The last week of April Kyle's case manager calls and wants an update on things.  We explain everything going on, so she goes through the process of the email to the team again demanding answers.  We hear nothing.  After about a week passes, Kyle calls the VA to talk to Dr. Jerkoff.  Nobody has seen him in 2 weeks and the system says he is not on vacation.  Nobody can give him the results of the EEG.  Yesterday I made Kyle call his case manager again.  She was not happy about everything that's going on and sent another email out to the team and specifically to Dr. Jerkoff.  She calls Kyle back this morning wanting to know if he's heard anything.  Nope...sure haven't.  So finally a little before noon the Dr. calls.  He says "EEG still show bad."  After several phone calls with the case manager, primary care nurse, patient representative, and several other people....the hospital is looking into the matter and Kyle is being referred for a second opinion from the other neurologist.  Now hopefully things can get moving on this process.  Ugh I hate people who like to pretend they don't have responsibilities and don't have to give their patients results of serious tests.  Stupid doctor. 

On a completely different thought.  I have 15 friends that are pregnant...not including my friends here on blogger.  15 f'n people who are pregnant...and like 4 that have recently had a baby.  What the hell is in the water...or air for that matter.  No I'm not trying to get pregnant...although I do sometimes wonder if I'm being left behind.  I'm going to be the only person who isn't pregnant or has kids....and I live the life of an old lady...so I don't even have anything fun to show for it.  Oh well though, another day another dollar.